Sunday, December 7, 2008

Sami Jean - Day 5, 12/07/08

Well, today was a tough one. Mostly for me, though, I think. Pete got up early and headed in to be there for Sam's 8 o'clock feeding. He was met with good news. The IV was gone, which we knew would happen, but he was surprised by the fact that she was going to be moved into an open air bed today. We had thought it would be a few days until that happened. So, he called me wanting me to bring her some clothes when I came up. When they are in the isolette they only wear a diaper, but in the open bed they can wear clothes and hats. Of course, they only preemie clothes I had were the gifts our family had brought to the hospital. And, of course, they aren't washed yet. So, I took her a blanket that I had already washed and they are using that in her bed for now. I'll take some clothes tomorrow. Today she got to "borrow" a onesie - it was red and said Santa on it. I was hoping for something pink since it's been so long since I've dressed a little girl, but oh well.

The hard part of the day was knowing that now all she needs to do is to eat well. I think I just keep waiting for something to happen. If she doesn't eat well they'll have to put in a feeding tube. Which, we've known could happen all along. It's just so stressful to me that she's doing so well but in the blink of an eye we could digress. Her goal range for eating now is 25-32 mLs per feeding. Pete got about 25 down her at each of her morning feedings, but at 11 I could only manage about 15. Which of course, makes me feel terrible. And then, after that came the talk of her next feeding and what would happen if she couldn't meet her goal then. Ugh... 4 days old and already so much to accomplish! So, I sat with her and did "kangaroo care" until her next feeding at 5. All the while praying that she'd take in at least 25 mL's. Italked with the Np of the NICU and also the nurse and when 5 o'clock came the nurse stayed with me to get us started. I'd love to say that I had this magnificent technique and that I know exaclty how to do it again tomorrow, but honestly, I have no idea why she decided to eat at 5. (She had 26 mL) But, I can't complain, and I was so grateful to have had my prayer answered. So, after she ate I reluctantly bundled her up again and put her into her new bed. I'm so nervous for her to be in there after being in the isolette. I know there is no reason for me to be, but I keep thinking she'll get cold, or she might need something, etc... Anyway, after that I headed home, armed with my bag of bottles to fill and bring back tomorrow. I never gave nursing a baby a second thought, I thought it was the most natural, easy thing in the world. And, I still believe that can be true. In the right circumstance. This, apparently is not. I sat all day listening to the other mother's and their nurses as they helped them to nurse their babies. I've tried to nurse Sami about 4 times now. Complete failure. Her little mouth is too tiny and she can't latch on. It's really hard for me, but, I'm pumping away and they are fortifying my milk with a higher calorie formula to get her a boost in nutrition. As long as she eats and grows I honestly thnk I wouldn't care what she ate. And, I NEVER thought I would say that!

It was a long, hard drive home again. Shouldn't it be getting easier as the days go by instead of harder?

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