hmmm...

Lately it seems that I have forgotten the motto of my little blog here. AWOL. A Window Of Life. I think I closed that window and forgot to open it. So, here's a little peek through that window this morning...

5am. PJ up, still feeling bad. Give him some Motrin and put him back to bed.

6am. Sam up. Give her a bottle and put her back to bed.

6:15am. Pete's alarm goes off. He starts popping his knuckles. Ask him if he's trying to kill me with annoyance.

6:30am. Realize Sam is having a party in her crib and is definitely not going to be sleeping.

7am. Pack Pete his breakfast and Dr. Peppers and send him on his way.

7:15am. Make Jesse waffles, but forget that he changed his mind and wanted Cookie Crisp mixed with Cocoa Pebbles swimming in chocolate milk. oops.

7:18am. Call school, PJ is sick. Arrange his work to be brought home by Jesse.

7:30am. Convince Jesse to buy hot lunch by telling him that they were having pizza. (Technically it was a pizza quesadilla, but I'm sure it's got all the same ingredients, right?)

7:35am. Send Jesse out the door. Hear bus come. Realize he has forgotten his lunch money.

7:45am. Hear (sick) PJ calling from upstairs that he is hungry. Offer him a bazillion things...all of which sound gross.

7:55am. Phone call from brother - wanting sisterly advice of course! lol

8:10am. Realized that the teenager has not appeared yet this morning. Send the baby to wake her up. (Yes, I'm willing to sacrifice my baby to avoid the wrath of a grumpy teenager.)

8:11am. Yep, she was asleep. Realize I must drive to JH. Decide to go in jammies, but at least put on a bra.

8:15am. Call from sister. Halloween costume discussion.

8:40am. Call from Jesse's teacher. Jesse is very upset. Lunch is pizza quesadillas and he is sure he will not like that. (Feel a teeny bit guilty for telling her I was hoping he wouldn't find out until it was too late.) Tell her I will bring him a lunch.

8:50am. Make teenager run Jesse's lunch into elementary school.

8:55am. Try to make sense of teen scheduling. Still have no idea what the 13 year old plans to do tonight. Or why she thinks that she gets to make the plans and THEN tell me of them.

9:00am. Drop of Tay at Junior High.

9:05am. Call Pete and tell him of eventful morning. Mention that I got a call to do engagement pictures and would need him to come home early one day in the next few weeks.

9:06am. Told by husband that he must go and can't talk about this now.

9:07am. Feel like crap.

9:08am. Realize that even though I do not hold a high paying job I am still a highly sought after employee.

So, they say...

And anyway, who are "they"? Ok, so they say that a child's self esteem, sense of self, (and all that other stuff that basically means when your kid knows other kids are treating them different) doesn't come until about 4 years old. I think this is a bunch of bull. However, my sweet girl who is now 19 months old is still unaware of her difference. At least I think.

Yesterday at the swimming pool two little girls gathered around her. They were just staring at her. And, they were really CLOSE. (I have no idea where their mother was.) I was getting pretty annoyed, and close to telling them to beat it when out of no where Sam sticks her little hand out and starts waving at them. "Hi girls" "Hi" "Hi girls". And then... she puts her hand on her sweet little chest and says "I Sami" "I Sami". Wow. First of all, I have never had a baby who was so friendly. And second of all Wow - here were these two girls just staring at her birthmark and not smiling and all she wanted to do was make friends. Then one of the girls asked her how old she was and she held up one tiny, little finger. :) So, I think maybe now they will see her as a friend, a normal little girl. But, then I see it... one of the girls raises her hand to Sam's face and touches her birthmark. (FYI, not babies - they said they were 4 years old). So, Sam and I both ignored this. However, the little girl came back to do it again. And, just as I was about to tell her not to touch her, please...guess what happened?!?! My teeny, tiny girl yelled very loudly NO and pushed this girl away from her. Hmmm... I wasn't sure what to think/do. So, I just watched. And, this stubborn little girl came back a third time to try and touch Sam's birthmark. And, again, my sweet faced little angel yelled NO and gave her another push. ha! Wow. So, instead of high-fiving Sam and telling her how absolutely cool she was I simply said to the other little that Sam did not like her touching her and then picked my baby up and walked away. I'm still in a little bit of shock over it all. And, I'm feeling a little guilty. Yes, the other little girl was a child. Yes, she had no idea what Sam's birthmark was and I'm sure she was confused. However, where was her Mother? Isn't it her Mother's job to help her daughter learn about these things? And, what the heck? Sam already pushed you and said no - don't come back for more. :) I don't know. Do I want Sam to push everybody who does something like that - of course not. But, do I want her to stand up for herself and not let anyone get her down? Heck yes!

I don't know. Could I have handled it differently? Sure. But, in reality I didn't need to handle it at all. Apparently my "aww, she's so tiny" girl can hold her own.

Jesse's Kindergarten Graduation

Isn't it awesome to have a teacher who totally has your child figured out? She has him pegged to a T! Hilarious! (sorry about the sideways video...video is not my best area)

In case you have trouble hearing she gave him the "caramello candy bar award". She pointed out his swagger on the way to the podium, that he even walks mellow. LOL

Happy Traveler

Happy Traveler
Originally uploaded by MrsSuperSpy

I apologize for not updating sooner on our visit to CA. I'm kind of one of those people who have to let things mix around in my head and then settle down before I can go around talking about them.

Anyway, we flew in for a couple of hours and met with Dr. Levitin. For me it was kind of uneventful. I had talked to him many times and really he just told us the same thing. For Pete, though, it was a good trip. He was glad to meet him and hear for himself what would be happening. So, I am glad we went.

The conclusion is that she will need 2 surgeries and 2-3 laser treatments. Not really something that a parent wants to hear. However, it has to be done, and Dr. Levitin is the best one for the job. We are hoping that our insurance will cover all of the procedures...Dr. Levitin has started with the paperwork already. He assumes it will be a fight with them and so we have a hopeful date of early June for her first surgery.

Miss Samantha's Table

Miss Samantha's Table
Originally uploaded by MrsSuperSpy

I made this! Can you believe it!?!? Well, actually, I can. hehe I'm pretty handy if I do say so myself. However, I have NEVER tackled a project like this. Where I actually made something that IS something. Does that make any sense?

Sami is headed to Hollywood!

We've decided to go ahead and take our sweet baby to California to see the famed Dr. Levitin. I have been talking to him off and on via phone and email since last summer. He is an incredibly kind man, his daughter had a hemangioma similar to Sami's. He is also amazing at what he does. I have incredible faith in him...that he can help our little girl.

Of course, surgery is not what we had hoped for her. We were hoping with all the meds and the steroid treatment that we would be able to avoid surgery. However, her hemangioma is still making itself at home, with not much sign of leaving. This along with the fact that she has excessive scarring from the ulceration (when her hemangioma split open from the rapid growth), and the fact that her lip is droopy now because of how large/fast it grew, makes us realize that at some point she will need to have surgery. Even if the hemangioma were to completely go away.

So, on April 14th we will head to Hollywood! I'm trying to think positively. Of course, the defensive mother in me is pissed. Why should I have to put my baby through this? There is NOTHING wrong with her! She is perhaps the most sweet and friendly baby you will ever meet. But, you all know how it is. We can't go anywhere without comments, stares or points. And, my sweet baby is just too innocent right now to know what it all means. In fact, today while we were waiting in line at Costco (churro, mmm!) a little boy in front of us kept staring at her. After a few minutes she looked up at him and just waved! Bless her little, sweet heart! Soon enough, though, she will understand what people are doing/thinking when they look at her. Because, you see, people who don't know our baby don't see her as the beautiful little creature I do. In fact, they don't see her at all. They see her hemangioma. And, she is not a hemangioma, she is an incredible little girl, with many things to see and accomplish in this world. And, this is why we have decided to go forth and see Dr. Levitin. I can only pray that one day she will know and understand that we made this decision for her...not for us.

I have always said that having a baby with a hemangioma is a long, lonely, bumpy road. But, that it is one we were meant to travel. There must be some reason that we were given this path. Sometimes I think it's so that I can teach our other children that everyone is made differently. In fact, I'm sure it's ingrained right onto their little brains. The last time PJ told me about somebody who did something or other that he thought was odd I started to say it and he said it for me "that's just how he got made, right Mom" because, it's true, this is just how Sami got made. I also hope that our hemangioma has given me a bit more patience and tolerance. Of course, after the 50th time in a day I am asked "*gasp* What happened to her!?!?" I do want to kick somebody in the head. But, I usually don't. And, sometimes I want to scream NOTHING! But, I don't do that either. I usually just explain to them that it is a birthmark. But, some times I just smile and pretend I didn't hear them. :)

On our long road of being a hemangioma family we have also made awesome heman friends. I swear, heman babies must just be the happiest little things ever! Sami even received several Christmas cards from her little friends! It's just so nice to have them to talk to when you're having a bad day...somebody who truly understands how it feels. In fact, today I was stunned speechless. I had posted on a birthmark website forum about our planned travel to CA to see Dr. L. One of the replies was from a heman family who lives down the street from his office and they offered to pick us up at the airport and drive us to our appt! They even offered to let us use a carseat and a stroller! Isn't that amazing! I am still in shock! What a wonderful thing for a complete stranger to do! Turns out they have an appt with him that same morning. We have already gotten a rental car, but I'm hoping we will be able to meet this awesome family when we are there!

Our appointment is on the 14th, so I will be sure to update how it went.

Yes, we are still alive...

...but just barely.

We have all been in a whirlwind around here. Life in general and all the added things that come with having 4 little ones have given us plenty to do. We decided to seperate the boys, and give them each their own room. This meant moving Tay downstairs and then moving PJ into her old room. This was not an easy task. However, Tay is just such an awesome kid that she really did most of the work on her room switch herself. We are almost done, just have to paint and fix up Jesse's room a bit. He wants a Phoenix Suns room, so I also need to get him a new comforter and curtains.

This pic above is my sweet baby on her 1 year birthday! She spent the day puking, but by evening she had perked up and we got a few cute shots.

The boys are starting baseball this week. Tonight they both have practice. Thank goodness for Taylor! She is going to stay with PJ at his so that I can drive Jesse down the road and stay with him.

Sami has also started making a lot of new friends. She goes to baby classes at the library 1-3 times a week. It was just recently that most of her new friends moms found out that she was my fourth child. I guess with all the big kids in school people must assume that she is my only child. We have such fun during the day on our outings! I'm loving having all this time with her. But, when her siblings are home she is soooo happy to see them! She just loves them so much. And, they adore her.